The newest nation on the continent of Cordilia is a strange one. With a wacky religious following, strong convictions, and very odd new “traditions”, the nation has now officially declared itself sovereign from their country of origin. What country is that? We do not know and are in fact legally bound to not say.
The mysterious reporter-extraordinaire Klaua Lillian sits down with the self-titled “muse”, “savior”, and “truth-sharer” of our continent’s newest nation, Lenny Ferguson. Get ready for a hell of a ride because without further ado, this is the Smoky Stallion, bringing you Klaua and Mr. Ferguson!
Klaua: So, Mr. Ferguson-
Lenny: HELL YEAH!!
Klaua: …okay… Mr. Ferguson, I understand you’re officially naming yourself leader of a newly sovereign nation?
Lenny: Of course not! I’m no leader, didn’t you hear your own intro, I’m simply Red’s muse, the one who will bring us all into the light of the 715.
Klaua: And who is Red?
Lenny: Oh honey, you really need to be saved. No worries, I’m here, and I’ve looked them in the eyes, heard them speak! Of course I also haven’t, that being the nature of Red.
Klaua: Oh, you’re done? Ooookay that doesn’t really clear up anything. How about we try a different question, you mentioned the 715, yes? What is that?
Lenny: Alright, alright, so you know how the world is one of infinite multiverses all compounding on each other in a big ball, right?
Klaua: I’m gonna say yes, only because I’m very curious how this is gonna go.
Lenny: Okay so the 715 is a multiverse. But also a universe. You see we exist at the same time and place as a million other nations. There’s these crazy guys who are fighting alien bugs and these crazy star ladies and this wacky little rain tribe. Man I’m telling you, they’re all out there!
Klaua: Do tell me, how did you learn of all this?
Lenny: I already told you, I spoke to Red. And also didn’t.
Klaua: Right. Elaborate on that?
Lenny: okay okay Red is a concept but they’re kinda messed up. See most concepts are easy. Brush is a brush, towel is a towel, rock is a rock. Red is the concept of multiversal travel, and because multiversal travel is like totally a paradox and stuff, they both do and don’t exist, and they both have and haven’t seen everything! But sometimes, those of us who have been chosen can contact these entities and learn truths.
Klaua: And how does that work?
Lenny: Well you have to have a really hardy brain, ya know? Most people can’t handle being told the secrets of the universe, it’s pretty hard on you unprepared. But with the help of the magic white rock and some holy water from the crater site, I bolstered my brain enough to contact Red. I wandered around the woods for three days while they talked to me. It was crazy! I learned more than anyone in the whole world has ever known! That’s why I’ve made this nation, to teach these truths to the people of the world, and to pass on the secrets the white rock and holy water have given unto me.
Klaua: And that’s why your nation is called 715-14, yes?
Lenny: We’re the fourteenth stacked universe. It means we’re pretty special.
Klaua: And where does this second name, “Axom” come from?
Lenny: Oh yeah it sounds really cool.
Klaua: That’s… it? No big spiritual reason?
Lenny: Naw I just really like naming stuff.
Klaua: So I understand you were originally citizens of [][][][][][], yes? How do you think they’ll feel about their own citizens seceding to a new country?
Lenny: [redacted]
Klaua: [also redacted]
Lenny: [still redacted]
Klaua: Okay but do you really believe the world will take your nation seriously? You have two villages and maybe a couple thousand followers, does that really count as a sovereign nation?
Lenny: We’re part of our own universe, of course we’re sovereign! You can’t annex people so connected to the concepts of the universe!
Klaua: Even with… literally any army?
Lenny: Nobody will invade us, we have the power of co- the magic white rock on our side!
Klaua: I highly doubt what I’m assuming is… it’s drugs, right? The magic white rock is just hard drugs? I literally cannot imagine it being anything else.
Lenny: …
Klaua: So you got extremely high in the woods, probably drank contaminated water, and wandered around out of your mind for three days, then decided to form a nation?
Lenny: All Red’s teachings, my interviewer friend, all Red’s teachings. I’m writing a book on learning the truths of the universe, I’ll have to send you an advance copy. You seem to need it.
Klaua: Well… good luck, I guess. Thank you for your time, I’ll let you get back to leading your country-
Lenny: Upp! Not leading, truth-sharing.
Klaua: …right. Anyway, that’s all the time we have. Thank you for sharing with us and also please do not send me a copy of your book.
Lenny: I’m gonna send it.
Klaua …sigh… okay well we’ll see you all next time on the Smoky Stallion! Have a good day and… don’t do drugs…