The South Seas Gazette

TSSG Schedule: Week of 2025-08-04

Monday, August 4th:
- An introduction to our new regional newspaper by the staff of The South Seas Gazette
- An announcement on the delegate’s fortnightly telegrams by @Griffindor
- A recap of last week’s election by @Vrigny

Wednesday, August 6th:
- A surprise guest editorial by Delegate-elect @ProfessorHenn
- A report on the Craziest election by @LordNwahs
- An exclusive interview with Delegate @Griffindor by @Heliseum

Friday, August 8th:
- An article on the recent SPHL season by @UnitedDisneyStates
- A satirical interview with “RON” by @Proctethia
- A weekly puzzle by @Heliseum

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Introducing the South Seas Gazette

We are excited to announce to the world this inaugural issue of The South Seas Gazette, a new independent newspaper for the South Pacific. Our mission will be to provide the citizens of the Coalition with up-to-date news coverage of regional happenings, access to the preeminent voices of our community and entertainment with satire and games on a weekly basis.

This has been long overdue. The South Pacific is no stranger to regional newspapers; a cursory dip through old forums reveal no less than five. Perhaps most notably was SPINN, the South Pacific Independent News Network, which unfortunately has not been active since 2022, but before then ran for over a decade. We have great respect for SPINN and its history, but as a new team with no real connection institutionally to it, have chosen not to attempt to resurrect the name. May it rest in peace until some other team of plucky upstarts (or a revived Ministry of Media) decide to revive it.

The South Seas Gazette is an independent newspaper, meaning it is not published by any portion of the government of the Coalition. Any positions expressed within these pages do not reflect an official position of the Coalition. Many writers for the Gazette are of course active politicians, but they participate here as private citizens and don’t exercise any additional authority. On instances where we have interviewed someone because of their position or have invited someone to write a guest editorial, those will be clearly marked.

We also believe in responsible, impartial reporting. We will always strive to make every article marked as “News” clear, serious and impartial. There will be times when opinions are expressed, and there will be times when silliness gets the better of us. We will do our best to clearly mark those articles as such. All such opinion pieces represent only the opinions of its author, who we will disclose, and not our own, though we understand the weight of which opinions we choose to platform.

Though we have billed The South Seas Gazette as a weekly paper, we are keenly aware that people will likely not read many articles back-to-back in one large dispatch. Thus, our model will be to publish on Monday a schedule of the content you can expect from us in the coming week, then release one or more articles each and every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Friday will often be a more cheerful day, with a weekly puzzle and trivia question.

If you are interested in joining the team, please reach out! We of course need writers, but we also need designers and editors as well. You can reach us either by telegramming The South Seas Gazette or DMing Heliseum or Vrigny on Discord. Due to the way we coordinate, Discord membership is required. This has come together with lightning fast speed and we are still figuring it out. Get in on the ground floor in these early days!

Written by: The Staff of The South Seas Gazette

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From Fortnights to Weeknights

Greetings, my fellow South Pacificans!

It has been a single day since my last Fortnightly Briefing! So, you know what that means…? It’s obviously time for another Fortnightly Briefing! Wait a minute… What am I doing here? In this different, non-fortnightly format??? Oh! Wait! I remember! Yours truly, His Most Holy and Benevolent Cakeness, Your Lord and Savior (who is literally FDR), the King of Cake, Emperor, Dictator, Mother, GIF Master, Justice, and soon-to-be-former Delegate of the South Pacific , had a sudden realization on the eve of Election Night and realized that he would soon be losing his Delegate salary and perch by which to spout random nonsense about regional happenings.

So, in a bid to retain some semblance of my flatulent lifestyle, and to pretend like my opinions will still matter, I was approached by Establishment Cabal members and offered a spot on a fledgling newspaper, aptly called the South Seas Gazette . My ego and crippling addiction to Cake forced me to accept such a lucrative spot on this soon-to-be-esteemed panel of writers who will deliver to you news, opinion, and other fun stuff on a regular schedule.

Perhaps our efforts will be in vain and go the way of all other past publication efforts within the South Pacific. But no! That poisonous mindset is precisely what causes the media efforts to flounder within this fair region (or was it the state-run Ministry of Media causing it?). Push it aside! So, get ready! Because, as I said in my regional syndicated Fortnightly Telegram before the election, once my Delegacy formally ends, and my contract with Fortnight Telegram LLC is concluded (and the non-compete waived), I will be a regular contributor to this wonderful pet project of mine, er, of ours!

Ummm, I am being told that just my authorship on this article causes me to breach my non-compete clause. So, umm… if you happen to see me fighting for my life within the High Court, do be a good lad and scream “SET HIM FREE” at the top of your lungs. Oh, and maybe bribe… I mean… gift… I mean… leave some cake in the Court Room for the Justices to be persuaded to leave me in peace.

In the meantime, do enjoy our new regional newspaper: The South Seas Gazette , the way it was meant to be enjoyed… with a plate of Cake and a glass of SPIT. Cheers!

Written by: @Griffindor

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About the Recent Election and its Victors

On the 15th of July, the nominations and declarations process for the Prime Minister and Delegate election began.

There were plenty of nominations for both positions, but those who accepted them were: @Silva, @UncleJoe and @ProfessorHenn for Delegate; as well as @Pabblo, @UnitedDisneyStates and @KrisKringle for PM. Due to Kringle’s candidacy, @LordNwahs took over as Election Commissioner.

Soon after accepting the nominations, most of said candidates presented their objectives in several campaign posts over on the TSP forums. Questions and discussion soon ensued, and the voting period started on July 19th.

The Prime Minister election ended up as a race between UnitedDisneyStates and KrisKringle. Out of 82 citizens eligible to vote at the time of the election, 41 citizens cast a vote, and 39 of those votes were valid, meaning that there were 2 invalid votes. In the end, KrisKringle was elected Prime Minister, with 53.08% of the first preferences, or 21 of the first preferences. UnitedDisneyStates managed to attain 41.03% of first preferences, or 16 of the first preferences.

The Prime Minister election only has one round, and there was no apparent trouble in the process. The same cannot be said about the Delegate election. With 82 citizens eligible to vote on the first round of the election, 45 citizens cast a vote, and 36 of those votes were valid, meaning that there were 9 invalid votes. This apparent issue about the invalid votes will be written about later on.

The first round of the Delegate election had three candidates running: Silva, New-Halo and ProfessorHenn. The results are the following:
- Silva got 16 approvals, getting an approval rating of 44.44%.
- New Halo got 7 approvals, which got him an approval rating of 19.44%.
- ProfessorHenn got 29 approvals, meaning that they had an approval rating of 80.56%.
With these results, only ProfessorHenn was above the necessary 50% approval rating to proceed to the second round.

The second round of the Delegate election began on July 24th, with the only possible choices being ProfessorHenn and RON (Re-Open Nominations). Initially, the votes were somewhat tied, but soon enough, RON started gaining momentum. This momentum, initially fueled by the RMB, soon found itself being pushed even further by the “People’s Coalition for RON”.

This People’s Coalition for RON sent region-wide telegrams urging people to vote for RON, citing several reasons, such as the discrepancy with the 9 invalid votes in the first round of the election, which they state could have possibly made Silva (Virifortis) advance to the second round of the election. The campaign of the People’s Coalition for RON clearly had an impact on the votes throughout the 6 day voting period. RON managed to achieve quite a noticeable advantage in votes.

This situation led to widespread discussion on the TSP Discord server, in which several people expressed support for ProfessorHenn, claiming that they are a candidate perfectly fit for the position of Delegate, and that voting RON should be done, for instance, only in cases where people think the candidates are not fit for the position. Those who supported RON insisted the problem in the first round with the invalidated votes was sufficient, and that the electoral system is unclear, mainly due to the Prime Minister and Delegate elections having different voting systems.

This discussion may lead to the submission of changes to the electoral system in the near future over in the Assembly.

A day after the region-wide telegram campaign from the People’s Coalition for RON, ProfessorHenn sent their own telegram, reassuring their commitment to the goals stated in their campaign, and clarifying the importance of having a Delegate for the safety of the region.

The election was tense, as there were long periods of time in which ProfessorHenn and RON were tied. Had the election resulted in a tie, the result would have been chosen by a coin flip. However, the situation soon changed, as ProfessorHenn managed to get the upper edge in the election as the voting period was close to being over.

With this electoral victory, ProfessorHenn will be TSP’s next Delegate, succeeding @Griffindor, after being TSP’s Delegate for two years, precisely since the 5th of August 2023.

Finally, there’s another crazy election to be talked about: the election for the Craziest Person. With 23 candidates and 14 rounds, @Volaworand was elected as the Craziest Person in TSP, after winning in the last round against @CayonNS.

And with this ends TSP’s July elections. The next regularly scheduled election will be on October 15th. Will we see any new candidates then? It’s up to you!

Written by: Vrigny

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…flatulent?

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Oh..thats what it means

ProfessorHenn’s Retrospective #1

On October 9th, 2022, I was elected as Minister of Culture, and I stuck around in the Cabinet for the next two and a half years.

The time I’ve spent in that institution has left a mark both ways. My first election as Prime Minister was the last where we directly elected all Ministers, and that was two years ago now. Conversely, I’ve also altered my habits, adopted new ideas of living, and took on a new perspective towards executive work and being “in the know” that will affect the rest of my life. We are the summation of all experiences that happen to us, after all.

When I took office as Minister of Culture, it was after a multi-year hiatus from the South Pacific, and an even longer one from the Cabinet. My nation was founded in 2014, and immediately the user known as “ProfessorHenn” started doing things, although many who were active at the time would tell you that the behavior and mannerisms were not all there. It happens. Younger versions of us don’t have the maturity and wisdom that comes from knowledge through time. I took a mildly enforced break after the election in 2015 that saw Hileville elected as Delegate, and then the coup.

Following the coup, I didn’t continue in the South Pacific for a spell, due in part to RL circumstances, but also due to a desire to just do something different for a while. I co-founded Selene in February 2016, and have maintained the title since, although the only real involvement was at the start, when we were setting up the roleplay canons and rulesets. Once it became self-sustaining, I stepped back and had a hankering for political life again. I came back to TSP in 2019, a little older, a little wiser, but just as dumb.

I reintegrated into that political culture, but it didn’t take. I ran for office, under the banner of the Ministry of Regional Affairs, and lost. Work started to pick up and I decided to cut my losses and focus back on RL, taking another break. Regional affairs hosted a festival, and my one notable action during this entire stint was interviewing the Delegate, Seraph. I wish them nothing but the best, as they’ve taken to greener pastures than this.

In 2022, I came back and stuck around this time. The vibes were different this time, a little quieter, a lot more tense, and on the heels of a Great Council being called by someone widely expected to be the main face of the next generation of South Pacificans. Unfortunately, and for reasons not worth airing here, they resigned very shortly after the Great Council began and left NS altogether for a time, leaving the rest of us with this giant project with no clear direction. As good a time as any to get involved in, I guess.

I ran for executive office again very soon after reapplying for legislatorship, attempting to take the Minister of Culture position in a special election. I lost that race, barely, but ran again in the regularly scheduled election in October, leading to the start of my two and a half years in Cabinet. During that time, we did festivals, we did smaller events, we started to look at the structure of our government, bloated though I thought it was at the time, and we politicked our way through the Great Council over New Years 2023.

The next election, the high office was uncontested, and I wanted it. I ran unopposed for Prime Minister in February 2023 and took office with the last directly elected Ministers in my Cabinet. I wouldn’t change who I had for that Cabinet, even with the struggles we ended up facing. Adversity built some much-needed character for myself, and for the region, and we got some business done that was long overdue.

The Great Council went nowhere fast. Two sides were as stubborn as the other and political will fizzled out. A legislator, coming from nowhere and out of the blue all at once, got a one-line amendment to the Charter passed in the regular Assembly, and suddenly we had an appointed Cabinet. We concluded the Great Council shortly thereafter, only passing legislation to repeal the Local Council and reaffirm the South Pacific as one community, not two. Another legislator brought forth changes to the whole law archive to make the appointed Cabinet system make sense, including a resolution to cancel the May 2023 election so we could have the time to figure out all the necessary changes. Thus, I remained in office as the premier.

Life continued after that. Foreign relations tussles and changes (Frontiers update, anyone?) meant that I had to spend more of my time on FA than I might have otherwise wanted, but I enjoyed learning about that side of executive work and being able to handle things there. Aegis grew, we got some dispatches made up and tried to lay the foundation for a much broader usage of Aegis, but it hasn’t come to fruition just yet. However, it did mark me as the FA guy for the South Pacific once my first foreign minister stepped down, and I will be looking forward to not having to do the job anymore. Breaks are good and important.

My time as premier, and as a Cabinet minister in 2024, is recent memory, and not worth covering in this retrospective. If the recent election is any indication, the things I’ve done (or not done) have caused some consternation, and folks rightfully can complain about their elected and appointed officials not fulfilling the duties we expect them to. At this point, all I can offer is my apologies and a wish that I did not drop the ball on the most important things within my power, both legal and personal.

At this point, I do not intend on running for Prime Minister again, nor take office in the Cabinet as a minister or director. I’ve had my time, did what I did, and tried to leave the place in a decent enough shape for the next group of fellows to come through and make their own marks. I have made myself available to the Prime Minister and the next Cabinet for advice and thoughts, but I limit myself to just those items. Going out on these terms gives me the leeway to jump back into things in an emergency but not burn out or hard-land the space shuttle. Plus, I’d love to focus on legislation for a while, during and after my time as Delegate.

What got me back into things in the South Pacific was legislation, ultimately. The Great Council was an excellent time, even if ultimately unfruitful, and I would love to see newer legislators take an interest in both drafting, amending, and debating on legislation, as well as fulfilling that age-old task of holding the executive to account for their plans, visions, and actions. It’s the core of our politics, and has been since the start.

Well, that’s all for me, for now. As always, I am at your service.

Written by: @ProfessorHenn

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The Craziest “Craziest Person” Election Ever?

(Disclaimer: The author was Election Commissioner during the July 2025 Regional Elections.)

For about as long as elections have been held in NationStates’ Oldest Democracy, TSP has regularly held elections for a “Craziest Person/Secretary of Silly” for the region. The office of Craziest Person currently does not exist under TSP law, but it has nonetheless continued to be contested throughout TSP history, and is arguably as much a cultural institution of the Coalition as lampshades, llamas, glasses of SPIT, and debates over what dessert is best.

Soon after accepting the nominations, most of said candidates presented their objectives in several campaign posts over on the TSP forums. Questions and discussion soon ensued, and the voting period started on July 19th.

This July saw perhaps one of the most dramatic Craziest Person elections in recent memory, with 20 candidates (excluding perennial candidate RON) listed on the ballot and 23 candidates being ranked at least once. In contrast, the previous election in April saw 10 candidates ranked, and the election before that in January saw 5 candidates ranked.

The April contest was perhaps a harbinger for how hotly contested the most recent race would become. One of the defining moments of that election (beyond the contest over TSP veteran Belschaft’s presence on the ballot) was then-Election Commissioner (EC) KrisKringle/Kringalia’s instruction that ballots had to rank Indiana (Kringle’s late pet rabbit) first, which led to candidate New Halo attempting an ultimately unsuccessful legal challenge in the High Court. Another defining event prior to the July election was the RMB Mayor Election held in May, a throwback to the Local Council elections of yore.

“Now that is a long ballot…”

The July 2025 election started out as usual by TSP standards, with a barrage of nominations for various candidates in various offices. What was certainly unusual was the number of candidates that declared their candidacy for the Craziest Person contest: within a day of nominations opening, 8 candidates (and 5 “magical creatures” nominated by Delegate @Griffindor) were in the running. Presumably in reference to the number of candidates, then-Prime Minister @ProfessorHenn nominated “every living being” for Craziest, followed by @Of_the_Ages nominating “every nonliving being” in response.

Many of the candidates were TSP stalwarts, including RMB moderators @Volaworand and @Konsa, RPer @CayonNS, and RMB regulars @Zhuang and @Ace, but there were other candidates that are newer to TSP as well, such as @ExquisiteGentleman Candidates were drawn to the contest for many reasons, but perhaps Volaworand voiced it best when he said that, unlike running for Delegate or Prime Minister, campaigning for being Craziest Person “fit [their] schedule”.

An unexpected factor leading into the election was @KrisKringle running for Prime Minister, leading to lordnwahs being appointed as EC by the Council on Regional Security less than 12 hours before the start of voting. As EC, Nwahs decided to add some candidates that did not formally declare on the nomination thread, such as Gre Milotramia (who opened a campaign thread to be “Craziest Man”) and TSP veteran Mavenu (who was campaigning because he’s cute). Just like previous Craziest Person elections, Indiana and Meaningful Cough also made an appearance on the final ballot. Nwahs also added a candidate of his own choosing, the Astor Place Cube.

Not just another popularity contest

Quite a few of the candidates for Craziest took their candidacy very seriously, with several candidates making their case for why they should be elected by making a long list of reasons why they should be seen as craziest in their campaign threads. Former RMB Mayor Zhuang claimed that he “[has] nuked the entire state of California at least 7 times”, while Andersmeda “[executed] 4 people this week by tossing them into a volcano very elegantly”. Konsa noted that fried penguin was a national delicacy in their nation, while Ace mentioned their authorship of the (in)famous TSP Sitcom.

Candidates also promised things to voters if they were elected as Craziest: Franz promised 3550 things, including “1 free Google search” and a “random military invasion” as well as quite a few French flags, while second-time candidate CayonNS promised to declare himself as cute (potentially to Mavenu’s chagrin) and return a hat they stole from Volaworand.

Campaign threads for Craziest saw a lot of engagement, with many threads descending to a scene not unlike something one would find in the Hall of Spam on the TSP forums. Voters engaged candidates with questions, some fairly serious (like a question on whether a particular parody religion made fun of actual real-world religious belief), others anything but (like whether one would eat “the hat”).

Crazy Candidates, Crazy Votes, Crazy Results

Due to the July election returning to manual private message ballots rather than the widget-based voting of the last few elections, voters could once again list fairly arbitrary Craziest Person ballots. Some voters chose to write-in candidates (including Belschaft, KrisKringle and Cryo), which is allowed for Craziest Person elections. Many voters listed votes that included numbers large and small (since the election was held under instant-runoff voting), with a few ballots ending up being a challenge for the EC to interpret.

Because Craziest Person is not an official election, this gives the EC much leeway in terms of interpreting ballots. Previous iterations of manual ballot elections would count large numerical votes as representing a large number of first preference votes, but this time around, EC Nwahs decided to interpret all ballots as representing preferences, based on descending numerical order, so that the election would adhere more closely to the ideal of “one person, one ballot”. Some choices ended up still being fairly arbitrary (for example, if a complex number was involved, the EC would use lexicographic ordering).

The end result was 38 valid votes cast for the Craziest Person election. Due to the significant number of candidates, the election was only resolved after 14 rounds of counting, with Volaworand winning at the end of the day with 14 first preferences, and CayonNS coming second with 11 first preferences (13 ballots would end up being exhausted at the end of counting).

What’s next?

Reactions to the Craziest Person election results were mixed. Some expressed disappointment, with Griffindor asking for the EC’s address and Henn saying they would “stop being so nice to Nwahs”. Others, such as CayonNS and North, mentioned that they preferred how this iteration of the Craziest Person election was conducted as compared to previous ones.

The winner of the Craziest Person contest, Volaworand, expressed genuine surprise for his victory. He thanked voters and promised “[crazy] hats for everyone”. Only time will tell if they keep to their campaign promise of a “International Silliness Competition to declare the Grand Poohba of Silliness”. The second-place candidate, CayonNS, noted that their campaign promises were not contingent on actually winning, and provided what Volaworand described as a “lovely visual aid” for the return of their stolen hat.

With the next regularly scheduled election to take place in October, voters of the Coalition can look forward to what future Craziest Person elections will have in store. More candidates? More outrageous claims? Election fraud? Leaving the counting of votes “as an exercise to the reader”, as Pronoun suggested? Stay tuned for more craziness!

Written by: LordNwahs

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I apologise for not mentioning everyone in the article, the forums only let me mention up to 10 people on the same post!

I’ll mention the missing ones here:

@lordnwahs
@Gre_Milotramia
@Mavenu
@Andersmeda
@Franz
@Belschaft
@Cryo
@North
@Pronoun

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Awh… I’m flattered to be mentioned.

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Bidding Adieu to His Most Benevolent Cakeness

@Griffindor has served the South Pacific for two years as Delegate, but will now be stepping away from the office once the transition is complete. As you read on Monday, he will not be stepping away from our community, however! We sat down with Griffindor to ask him a few questions about his tenure, the Delegacy and his future in the South Pacific:


















Written by: @Heliseum

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Had i noticed that when i was reading the thread, i would of locked their campaign thread :stuck_out_tongue: (or more likely i did see it and went darn, i have to be a trusted adult here and can’t be abusing mod powerz, and then forgot about it :p)

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Uh, haha, I believe I never said I wanted to be cutest, but just cute.

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Correction: 8 times; and because you posted this article I’m doing it again /jk
Anyways great read 10/10

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South Pacifican Hockey League Season Ends!

Let’s start off with some background history on the SPHL. On January 19th, 2025 Professor Henn/Sporaltryus created a thread on the TSP forums about creating South Pacifican Ice Hockey and a South Pacifican Hockey League. Throughout the next couple of days, citizens of TSP started making up rules for this South Pacifican Ice Hockey. After a course of a month on February 15th, Professor Henn started applications to join the four teams that were created. Citizens and Foreign Visitors were able to join the Ice Creamists, Pielatariat, Cakeoisie, and The Visitors teams.

The teams started to fill up and filled up so quickly by February 24th, only three open spots remained. It was later announced on March 5th, that everyone would be competing for The Fudge Cup! This project later became dormant as Henn got plagued by real life concerns. The thread was later closed on May 24th.

However, the South Pacifican Hockey League project was revived on July 19th. With the first match being announced taking place on July 20th at 9 PM EST. The game was between the Cakeoisie and the Visitors. The Cakeoisie team won, scoring 4-1 over the Visitors. The second game took place on July 23rd at 8PM EST between the Ice Creamsists against the Pielatarist. The Ice Creamists prevailed, scoring 3-2 on hostile ice. The final game was set between the Cakeoisie and the Ice Creamists. The final game was scheduled for July 26th at around 3:30 PM EST and the Ice Creamists prevailed yet again, winning the Fudge Cup over the Cakeosisie.

Their win was 5-2 against the Cakeosisie and with the Ice Creamists scoring the most goals in one match during the entire Fudge Cup with the record currently sitting at 5 goals. Shoutout to the Ice Creamist team which consists of: @ConcreteSlab, @Coltranius, @Mavenu, @ProfessorHenn, @Lordnwahs, and @Pronoun. Congratulations for the Ice Creamists team winning the Fudge Cup!

Written by: @UnitedDisneyStates

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Vrigny do workers here get paid? just asking

Within Spitting Distance




























Written by: @Proctethia

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Starship Charades

Captain! There’s a ship out there we think is trying to communicate with us. Its transmitters seem to be down, but I think it’s trying to spell something out?

We can’t tell you exactly where it is, but in each sector we can tell you where it entered and how far it is from the three nearest stars.







__ __ __ __ __

This puzzle is written in Puzzle Hunt format, meaning the answer is always a case-insensitive word. Each puzzle may be unique, and may take some time. You may use the internet, other people and any other tools at your disposal. If you think you have the answer or would like to request a hint, please DM @Heliseum. The first nation to solve the puzzle will get their name recorded in the next issue. Happy hunting!

Written by: @Heliseum

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So what are the prizes

TSSG Schedule: Week of 2025-08-01

Monday, August 11th:
- An article about the Minister appointments for @KrisKringle’s Cabinet by @Vrigny.
- An interview of the recently elected PM @KrisKringle by @Heliseum.

Wednesday, August 13th:
- A special article detailing the recent surrender of the Brotherhood of Malice, the raider organization, by @UnitedDisneyStates.
- A second installment of the series by Delegate-elect @ProfessorHenn.

Friday, August 15th:
- An interview of former OWL Director and current MoFA @lordnwahs by @Vrigny.
- A weekly puzzle by @Heliseum.

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