“In Medias Res” Sweet Regrets and Alas:
As for drawing, I have drawn but wouldn’t call myself a good drawer. I believe that excellence in drawing is dangerous. A nice drawing may mislead an architect, for example, by not showing reliable outlines for a future object.
One thing I’ve always desired for was to possess geometric forms, pure objects, mastering the ability to percieve this imagined plane. An object, such as a circle, is just itself and that is all.
When I arrived in New Sorthane, I simply knew where each site was located, they belonged to the neighborhoods already. The object of a building exists, not to answer questions of “ought it to?”, “does it perform anything?”, “should it exist in a different way?”
What good is an idea if it is not materialised – of no good, it is not an object it is a drawing. Unfinished and outside the ethical relations to the people which participate in the process of construction.
Worked an entire year in New Sorthane as a court notary. I despise writing. These laws, works, all disgust me still, with their contrived and permissive tone. I’ve lived on the estates back then, in this small corner of the apartment, with my roommate Randice. How we survived under the burdening rent of Eugene Gordon, I will never understand, nor do I wish to.
I couldn’t bare spending much time at work listening to the mind-numbing alienating analysis of legalese. Much less tolerable was life with Randice. Came home one night to find him painting. Disgusting. So, I spent most of my time outside, walking around open streets of the estates…
Now, I must ask you something but don’t answer honestly for I couldn’t stand to hear what I anticipated is true. Can a poor young woman earn anything worthy doing honest work? Walking around New Sorthane I met this girl by a window. I was instantly infatuated.
Spent that months rent money for some hours of silence. Went home and told Randice what had happened. As usual, he gave no reaction worth noting down. It angered me, so I quit my job at the courthouse and got into debt to pay off my half of the rent before moving out into the open streets of the estates.
I settled near the window aisle, but never saw the girl again, months went by of me trying to capture her work timetable.
Three or four years ago, I can’t tell for certain, the Local Councilour approached me. Told me I can’t be sleeping in the alleyways or I’ll get a fine. After proudly stating that I am unemployed and that he is free to fine me, I ended up being sent to the City Hall Chambers.
“Accept this job or face prosecution”, I was told. The job was in some convoludingly-designed biochemical factory/plantation. Had no qualifications so I was assigned to the food processing section, on the convayer belt. Checking that every single cap of some flasks was sealed proper by the two machines placed left of me.
So much time has passed, all days uneventful, that I’m now questioning whether I’ve always loved geometric objects or whether I’ve self-conditioned myself into loving them. Over time, from looking at caps of flasks every day.
In the end, I leave all my belongings to my former roommate Randice Mal Ruminrood. I hate you all, but I hate myself more. No ceremony is required. Also don’t use this weeks acid bath in the factory for further processing.
– Rainer Hartley Brecht.