‘Stick to Spears’: Zuhlgan Mocks Pyhdon After Failed Missile Attack
In a sharply worded and mocking response, the government of the Holy Dominion of Zuhlgan has reacted to the failed missile attack on its ally by Pyhdon. The missile, aimed at Nicholas and Great Britain (NaGB), a close ally of Zuhlgan’s, was misdirected and crashed into Pyhdon’s own territory.
Zuhlgan’s Foreign Affairs chief, Kula H’kara, did not hold back when addressing the incident during a press briefing this morning. “It seems our friends in Pyhdon have yet to master the complexities of modern warfare. Perhaps they should stick to what they know best— spears and shields,” H’kara quipped with a smirk. “I must say, if the goal was to show the world how not to launch a missile, they have succeeded beyond anyone’s wildest expectations.”
The failed missile launch, which Phydon says was intended to strike military targets associated with NaGB in a show of force, instead resulted in an explosion at a bank in the city of Malheureuesement causing localized damage. Although there were no reported injuries, the misfire resulted in significant embarrassment for Pyhdon and has tarnished its standing within the region. No NaGB targets were hit, and the operation was quickly deemed a colossal failure.
Zuhlgan, known for its disciplined military and strong regional influence, took the opportunity to highlight the contrast between its military capabilities and Pyhdon’s bungled attempt. “Zuhlgan has long advocated for a degree of professionalism in matters of military strategy,” H’kara continued with a patronizing tone. “Perhaps Pyhdon would benefit from some technical assistance or, at the very least, a course in basic trajectory physics."
When asked if Zuhlgan would defend NaGB if it were attacked H’kara stated, “It seems Pyhdon has done us a favor by showing the world that it’s more of a danger to itself than to its enemies. We won’t need to retaliate while they’re busy blowing up their own backyard.”
While the international community has largely remained silent on the issue, Pyhdon’s botched launch has not gone unnoticed by its rivals. NaGB officials were quick to downplay the threat, with one defense official calling the incident a, “dazzling display of incompetence.” Analysts speculate that Pyhdon’s failed strike, coupled with the derisive response from its intended targets, could lead to internal dissent within Pyhdon’s government and military, as leaders grapple with a credibility crisis both at home and abroad.
In closing, H’kara added, “The Dominion stands ready to assist Pyhdon in improving their defensive capabilities, should they choose to ask for help. Though perhaps next time, they could start by aiming in the right direction.” The offer, though framed as a gesture of goodwill, was clearly more of an insult than a sincere promise of aid.