[The scene opens on a brightly lit kitchen set, with a box of cereal called “As-Best-O’s” on a table. A perky, over-enthusiastic spokesperson stands beside it, holding a spoon and smiling into the camera.]
Spokesperson: “Are you tired of boring, healthy cereals that don’t give you any exciting health benefits? Well, say hello to As-Best-O’s! The cereal that’s packed with all the benefits of asbestos!”
[Cut to a close-up shot of the cereal, with a voiceover listing off supposed health benefits]
Voiceover: “That’s right! As-Best-O’s contains all the asbestos you need to help you breathe easier! It’s been scientifically proven to increase your risk of mesothelioma, lung cancer, and other respiratory diseases. But hey, at least you’ll have something to talk about with your doctor!”
[Cut back to the spokesperson, who takes a big spoonful of the cereal and smiles even wider]
Spokesperson: “Mmm, delicious! And don’t forget about all the added crunch you get from those little asbestos fibers! It’s like having tiny knives in your breakfast bowl!”
[The camera pans out to show a family sitting around the table, happily eating their As-Best-O’s]
Voiceover: “So why settle for healthy cereals that won’t give you any interesting health problems? Try As-Best-O’s today!”
[As the jingle plays, the scene suddenly cuts to chaos as police officers burst into the set, tackling the spokesperson and grabbing the box of cereal]
Police Officer: “You’re under arrest for promoting a dangerous and illegal substance!”
[The family looks on in shock as the officers drag the spokesperson away]
Voiceover: “As-Best-O’s. Just say no.”
